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Lawyer Jokes |
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Lawyer Jokes and
Beyond
Excess billing hours
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay,
there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St.
Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate
and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his
assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the
front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what
makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which
you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about
193 years old!"
You won't go to jail
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer
went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You?ll never have to go
to jail with all that money.? And the lawyer was right. When the
man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
Leaving money for the dead
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were
gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In
his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a
custom of giving the dead some money, so they?ll have something
to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a
hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did
the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for
$300.
History of lawyers
Why God Created Lawyers
Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so
that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would
have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes
and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief,
disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you.
People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get
blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give
me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming
me?"
And so God created lawyers.
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